Sorry, eh?

'Sorry'  is heard above the 49th parallel as frequently as any non-lexical filler.  It's tagged unceremoniously to most interactions with other people.  Undoubtedly handed down from our once colonizers we have refined its use.  Despite appearances its delivery is sharpened to a fine tip. 

Sure, it doesn't share the popularity of "um" or "uh" and other guttural utterances that interrupt the flow of fluid speech, but by the time we've reached school-age, Canadians can wield the apology with reckless and daily abandon.  We joke about our reflexive penitence as a way to avoid conflict, but there is something more duplicitous at work. 

'Sorry' is a four-letter word disguised as five.  

In 2009 the Ontario Government passed a piece of legislation called "The Apology Act".   This piece of brilliance states:  "An apology made by or on behalf of a person in connection with any matter (a) does not, in law, constitute an express or implied admission or fault or liability by the person in connection with that matter. "    

We've even identified this national involuntary nervous tick and took measures to protect ourselves...from ourselves.   This is evolution, no?   If canuck contrition does exist in an apology, it's inconsequential.  We are now free to apologize and use it for evil.  We don't mind conflict.  We are not afraid.  Hell, we've torched White Houses in the past.  

Simply, it is a pretense to avoid you. 

So there, Murica. 

People of planet earth, don't rush out to stitch a Canadian flag on a backpack just yet.   The scope of our deceit is not fully complete until we look at another tool in the hoser-apologists' arsenal. 

The word "eh". 

The American version of 'eh?', is most often in say NYC,  'right?'.  Similar in placement, there are blatant polarities in the usage.  For example, if a New Yorker were to discuss the weather, they might begin:  

"What a beautiful (effn) day, right?"In truth, placement of the f-word is equally fascinating to me, but that's for another day. 

"Right?" does not require an answer because it is not a question.  Furthermore it does not imply negotiation.  It "is" a beautiful day, and you are to agree with me.  "Right?' embodies the everything beautiful about America. Infallible confidence requiring total acquiescence.  To state something as fact and expect complete agreement.  Self-determination.

Further north,  "Jeez, nice day eh?" would not be an uncommon thing to hear from a Canadian.   Naturally, you would hear this only in mid-summer, during the two weeks this country isn't a portrait of a Dostoevsky-esque wintry gulag novel. 

"Eh?" does not require an answer for another reason.  'Eh", simply, is another subtle tool of avoidance.  It is not strong enough to really illicit a response, and carries with it no potential for discourse or debate.  The user himself may not even have an opinion if 'eh?' is employed. 

This national bird-call even sounds harmless and benign.  Eh, eh, eh.  We are lampooned the world-over for it's overuse and oafish sound.  You think it's cute when you talk to us at airports and ask us to say it. 

Under the surface however it's a very effective cultural method to expose the moronic around us. This is not xenophobia.  Sorry, if you think so.  Sorry if you're offended.   Sorry, eh?

The Canadian Oxford Dictionary states that eh is used for "ascertaining the comprehension, continued interest, agreement, etc., of the persons or persons addressed. "

Ascertaining the comprehension?  In short, we are gauging your intelligence.  We're often disappointed. We then incorporate into this disappointment an opportunity to say we're sorry. 

We don't really mean it. 

We're just not that into you, eh?